Jeremiah 29:11"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope."
So you are set out to destroy me and whatever I have going for me it is not going to work. I know God's got me in his hands. There are times when I just want to give up, but I look at this scripture and realize God is not set out to destroy me. I hear several people tell me "You have to go through tests in order to have a testimony"
I am being tested, and it is beyond hard, but I am getting through it. Thank God for blessing me with my family, because they keep me going. If I wanted to give up I could've given up a long time ago. I came this far, there is NO point in Going back now.
Things really do happen for a reason. Ready to see what God has up his sleeve. And this time.... I know I am ready for whatever he has in store, because what God has for me it is for me.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
nothing to say
I haven't been posting any blogs as you can see, it's only because I have so much to say, but I just don't know how to say it or put it in writing. I feel like My brain is overcrowded with a bunch of crap that doesn't need to be in there. It's filled with questions, doubts, dreams, and wishes.
Alot of doubts and questions are towards people I am involved with. I am slowly learning who I should be closer to and who should be "Cut Off", plain and simple. I don't even want to ask questions anymore, that question that I always ask God when I meet someone new " What is this person's reason for being in my life?" I don't even stress that anymore. I know God knows what he is doing so I will not doubt or question God's spontaneous ways of dealing with my abnormal life. Right now I am only writing whatever random thoughts that are going through my brain. I am not writing every thought. Just some. Writing about all of them would be mental suicide for anyone to read.
Just recently I realized that two more people walked out of my life, it's cool though. Have you ever had a moment when you actually wanted to care, but you don't? O well that's life. I heard the saying that "when people want to walk out of your life, Let Them Go!" So I did. And you know what? It made my life so much easier, to not stress over one loss of something that was meant to be out of your life in the first place. When you know you have been nothing, but good to the person you were "cool" with and they leave you hanging, and you feel like they don't have a care in this world about your feelings Let Them Go! because I take it as, they don't care, and if they don't care, that means they aren't losing sleep over you. so Don't lose sleep over them.
anyways i am not writing this blog because I am upset. I just felt like writing something. My mood right now is "whatever". Life is Life, and As long as you are living, live it!
Alot of doubts and questions are towards people I am involved with. I am slowly learning who I should be closer to and who should be "Cut Off", plain and simple. I don't even want to ask questions anymore, that question that I always ask God when I meet someone new " What is this person's reason for being in my life?" I don't even stress that anymore. I know God knows what he is doing so I will not doubt or question God's spontaneous ways of dealing with my abnormal life. Right now I am only writing whatever random thoughts that are going through my brain. I am not writing every thought. Just some. Writing about all of them would be mental suicide for anyone to read.
Just recently I realized that two more people walked out of my life, it's cool though. Have you ever had a moment when you actually wanted to care, but you don't? O well that's life. I heard the saying that "when people want to walk out of your life, Let Them Go!" So I did. And you know what? It made my life so much easier, to not stress over one loss of something that was meant to be out of your life in the first place. When you know you have been nothing, but good to the person you were "cool" with and they leave you hanging, and you feel like they don't have a care in this world about your feelings Let Them Go! because I take it as, they don't care, and if they don't care, that means they aren't losing sleep over you. so Don't lose sleep over them.
anyways i am not writing this blog because I am upset. I just felt like writing something. My mood right now is "whatever". Life is Life, and As long as you are living, live it!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Talk is Cheap!!!!!!
Ok tell me if this makes sense to you....
Somebody that you have been talking to. They call you, but then they stop for long periods of time... and then when you finally communicate with this person they ask you a dumb question like "Did you miss me?"
Ok can someone tell me why you would miss someone that doesn't call, text, or email you?
ok so i see this person and we "patched things up", so i thought, and he basically tells me to stop wasting my time with the ordinary guys that are not worth my time, and get with someone real and do not play the childish games that most guys display. i asked him who might that be and he says its him, but his actions prove to be otherwise.
why do some guys talk with a "versace" tounge, and when it comes time to producing those goods that they say they have, it turns out to be your ordinary "dollar general" knock off item?
talk is cheap!
Somebody that you have been talking to. They call you, but then they stop for long periods of time... and then when you finally communicate with this person they ask you a dumb question like "Did you miss me?"
Ok can someone tell me why you would miss someone that doesn't call, text, or email you?
ok so i see this person and we "patched things up", so i thought, and he basically tells me to stop wasting my time with the ordinary guys that are not worth my time, and get with someone real and do not play the childish games that most guys display. i asked him who might that be and he says its him, but his actions prove to be otherwise.
why do some guys talk with a "versace" tounge, and when it comes time to producing those goods that they say they have, it turns out to be your ordinary "dollar general" knock off item?
talk is cheap!
Numb....
There are times when I sit down and wonder why? Why is it when life becomes good there is something bad that comes and destroy that good life and turns it into something terrible.
My heart has been broken many times. Not only by boyfriends, but just people you called friends in general.
Sometimes i develop certain connections with the people i become involved with, but other times i only allow myself to get but so close....
why is that?
When i am done talking to that person that i decide not to get too close to, I start thinking that there is a reason behind me not getting as close as i could have...
is there a reason for everything...
for example, me and this guy start talking, but mentally and emotionally i am kinda distant from him. this is a guy i could have had strong feelings for. no doubt i liked the guy alot, but i would not allow myself to feel so deeply for him. next thing u know something happens. it could have destroyed my heart and hurt me bad, had i gotten closer to him on that emotional level. Because of all of the pain i have endured by the no-goods, i sort of developed this mindset of not catching feelings for the ones i become involved with. this is done unconsciously, i do not try to make myself feel this way, but i do.
So when he did whatever he did, that could've hurt me, I couldn't even get mad. i couldn't cry. i couldn't even show as much emotion as i wanted to. i could've cursed him out and everything, but something inside of me wouldn't let me.
It was as if i was "Numb" to the pain.
Ok. so i was numb to the right person, but there are times when i catch feelings for the wrong person. deep down i know that person isn't for me, but something keeps pulling me closer to them, and i develop those feelings that i usually don't have for other people.
When i do talk to that person, i feel good, liked, loved, and even safe. But then right after i see that person and it seems like we are off to a great start for the billionth time, i go back to not hearing from him again. why is it that we want something that we will never get?
The reason i say i will never get him is because he has proven to me time after time he is unreliable. Unpredictable, because he could start off calling, but then go weeks without talking to or just communicating to me period.
So again, why am i not catching the "numb" feelings for this one as well? why do i have these feelings for him, but he means me no good? why is it that i get these cold feelings when it comes down to me being hurt?
i don't know, maybe it will be just what my family and friends tell me. I might start trusting again once that right person comes around.... i don't know...... somebody help me understand this!
My heart has been broken many times. Not only by boyfriends, but just people you called friends in general.
Sometimes i develop certain connections with the people i become involved with, but other times i only allow myself to get but so close....
why is that?
When i am done talking to that person that i decide not to get too close to, I start thinking that there is a reason behind me not getting as close as i could have...
is there a reason for everything...
for example, me and this guy start talking, but mentally and emotionally i am kinda distant from him. this is a guy i could have had strong feelings for. no doubt i liked the guy alot, but i would not allow myself to feel so deeply for him. next thing u know something happens. it could have destroyed my heart and hurt me bad, had i gotten closer to him on that emotional level. Because of all of the pain i have endured by the no-goods, i sort of developed this mindset of not catching feelings for the ones i become involved with. this is done unconsciously, i do not try to make myself feel this way, but i do.
So when he did whatever he did, that could've hurt me, I couldn't even get mad. i couldn't cry. i couldn't even show as much emotion as i wanted to. i could've cursed him out and everything, but something inside of me wouldn't let me.
It was as if i was "Numb" to the pain.
Ok. so i was numb to the right person, but there are times when i catch feelings for the wrong person. deep down i know that person isn't for me, but something keeps pulling me closer to them, and i develop those feelings that i usually don't have for other people.
When i do talk to that person, i feel good, liked, loved, and even safe. But then right after i see that person and it seems like we are off to a great start for the billionth time, i go back to not hearing from him again. why is it that we want something that we will never get?
The reason i say i will never get him is because he has proven to me time after time he is unreliable. Unpredictable, because he could start off calling, but then go weeks without talking to or just communicating to me period.
So again, why am i not catching the "numb" feelings for this one as well? why do i have these feelings for him, but he means me no good? why is it that i get these cold feelings when it comes down to me being hurt?
i don't know, maybe it will be just what my family and friends tell me. I might start trusting again once that right person comes around.... i don't know...... somebody help me understand this!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Now Hiring Seasonal and possible Full time..........?
So I have decided to make up a new term when it comes to relationship statuses.
I have come to the conclusion that instead of saying you are single, married, or in a relationship, you can just say you are in a “Part Time” relationship.
It does sound a little weird, but once most of the people who are in my situation realize that this is somewhat true, they will understand.
Ok, so I describe being in a “Part Time” relationship as being in a relationship with someone, but because of certain circumstances, you cannot communicate or see that individual as much as you would with a Full Time relationship. You guys see each other twice a month and talk on the phone maybe a few times every two weeks. As far as my relationship status is concerned I am considered “Part Time.”
Now there are some pros and cons to being in a “Part Time” relationship. One pro that I can think of now is that, all during the times you are not with your “Part Time” significant other, you are considered “single.” This also means that you can talk to whomever, whenever you want during the off times of you and your “part time” partner.
The Cons that I have found with this are, one of the partners could be controlling, or jealous of the fact that you would even socialize with someone else. Now the person who acts like this is the reason your relationship is considered “part time” in the first place .It would not be “part time” if that person did not create this pattern of the on and off phone calls and the less than seldom “personal” time. So don’t feel guilty significant others, because they would not have to worry about the void being filled in your heart by someone else unless they decide to fulfill it themselves. You would want them to do that, but they still haven’t stepped up to the plate so forget them for not fulfilling the end of their bargain. There is a possibility that they could be replaced by another relationship interest anyways.
So Part Timers, consider this a relationship with benefits!! Now I know we all like benefits. These benefits may include a free dinner, movie, and possible tangible gifts! All of these benefits are provided by the “seasonal relationship interests”. These are the people that you meet while the “part time” title-holder is in his/her recession. They are the ones ready to step to the plate and take on the “Full Time” gratification of being in a relationship with you.
Ok… So here is a scenario for ya… so you can get a better understanding.
I’m out with my girls on one of our days off. Haven’t talked to the “part timer” so that means I’m good… a guy approaches me, starts a conversation and decides that he is interested in me. He then asks that one question that we all usually hear in the beginning or the end of a conversation. “Do you have a man?”
Then I say “Well I am in a part time relationship, but I am accepting seasonal takers I will put you down for some test shifts”.
He then says, “I am interested in being “full time”. Finally, someone steps up to the plate! Now we have to see if he is qualified for that role.
Now, these test shifts will take place on those “Part Time” days so the part timer can get an extended vacation just incase this seasonal person aspiring to be full time taker, might be the “part timers” replacement.
The new seasonal member of my team is then put on a 3 week impressing period, some may know it as “orientation.” The "seasonal" person will take you out on a surprise date, it might be the average dinner and a movie, or it could be him taking you to a miniature theme park just to be fun and spontaneous…*hint* That is the kind of stuff I like…lol
Anyways, let’s just say that he outshines the current “Part timer,” the current title-holder is now demoted or Terminated. His time with me will slowly start to deteriorate as the brand new “part timer” or possible “full timer” takes his place. Hopefully he will do a better job!
I have come to the conclusion that instead of saying you are single, married, or in a relationship, you can just say you are in a “Part Time” relationship.
It does sound a little weird, but once most of the people who are in my situation realize that this is somewhat true, they will understand.
Ok, so I describe being in a “Part Time” relationship as being in a relationship with someone, but because of certain circumstances, you cannot communicate or see that individual as much as you would with a Full Time relationship. You guys see each other twice a month and talk on the phone maybe a few times every two weeks. As far as my relationship status is concerned I am considered “Part Time.”
Now there are some pros and cons to being in a “Part Time” relationship. One pro that I can think of now is that, all during the times you are not with your “Part Time” significant other, you are considered “single.” This also means that you can talk to whomever, whenever you want during the off times of you and your “part time” partner.
The Cons that I have found with this are, one of the partners could be controlling, or jealous of the fact that you would even socialize with someone else. Now the person who acts like this is the reason your relationship is considered “part time” in the first place .It would not be “part time” if that person did not create this pattern of the on and off phone calls and the less than seldom “personal” time. So don’t feel guilty significant others, because they would not have to worry about the void being filled in your heart by someone else unless they decide to fulfill it themselves. You would want them to do that, but they still haven’t stepped up to the plate so forget them for not fulfilling the end of their bargain. There is a possibility that they could be replaced by another relationship interest anyways.
So Part Timers, consider this a relationship with benefits!! Now I know we all like benefits. These benefits may include a free dinner, movie, and possible tangible gifts! All of these benefits are provided by the “seasonal relationship interests”. These are the people that you meet while the “part time” title-holder is in his/her recession. They are the ones ready to step to the plate and take on the “Full Time” gratification of being in a relationship with you.
Ok… So here is a scenario for ya… so you can get a better understanding.
I’m out with my girls on one of our days off. Haven’t talked to the “part timer” so that means I’m good… a guy approaches me, starts a conversation and decides that he is interested in me. He then asks that one question that we all usually hear in the beginning or the end of a conversation. “Do you have a man?”
Then I say “Well I am in a part time relationship, but I am accepting seasonal takers I will put you down for some test shifts”.
He then says, “I am interested in being “full time”. Finally, someone steps up to the plate! Now we have to see if he is qualified for that role.
Now, these test shifts will take place on those “Part Time” days so the part timer can get an extended vacation just incase this seasonal person aspiring to be full time taker, might be the “part timers” replacement.
The new seasonal member of my team is then put on a 3 week impressing period, some may know it as “orientation.” The "seasonal" person will take you out on a surprise date, it might be the average dinner and a movie, or it could be him taking you to a miniature theme park just to be fun and spontaneous…*hint* That is the kind of stuff I like…lol
Anyways, let’s just say that he outshines the current “Part timer,” the current title-holder is now demoted or Terminated. His time with me will slowly start to deteriorate as the brand new “part timer” or possible “full timer” takes his place. Hopefully he will do a better job!
Friday, November 14, 2008
just a bunch of babble about mysteries...
Alot of people feel as if my life is like a subject that can be typed into any search engine, like google, and BOOM I'm figured out.
I am not a person that can be figured out from an outside source, because it is only one source to me and my life, and that lucky main source is Me!
So go ahead and rip up your little works cited page on me because they are inaccurate facts.
You only know what I tell you. Consider me that Bermuda Triangle. As far as you are concerned I am an unsolved mystery.
Secretive because people like you want to blow my character out of proportion. Sorry, this is NOT your scientific Big Bang theory! You feel that your lies and unknown facts can just create this explosion on my life. Like you could cause me to be blown into pieces and spread around like the states and continents on the globe. HA jokes on you!
So a tip to those who feel they are close enough to me to destroy me...."THINK AGAIN" because this Bermuda Triangle is still being held together by its 3 corners. Intelligence, Cunningness, and God are all in my corners. So as soon as you feel like you can step all over me, like a door mat, I will Consume you into my triangel and kill your lies with the truth. Making you a non existent being and even more weak than you already were.
Sorry your search engine has labeled your search as unknown.
It's because the mystery you thought you'd figured out I own...
I am not a person that can be figured out from an outside source, because it is only one source to me and my life, and that lucky main source is Me!
So go ahead and rip up your little works cited page on me because they are inaccurate facts.
You only know what I tell you. Consider me that Bermuda Triangle. As far as you are concerned I am an unsolved mystery.
Secretive because people like you want to blow my character out of proportion. Sorry, this is NOT your scientific Big Bang theory! You feel that your lies and unknown facts can just create this explosion on my life. Like you could cause me to be blown into pieces and spread around like the states and continents on the globe. HA jokes on you!
So a tip to those who feel they are close enough to me to destroy me...."THINK AGAIN" because this Bermuda Triangle is still being held together by its 3 corners. Intelligence, Cunningness, and God are all in my corners. So as soon as you feel like you can step all over me, like a door mat, I will Consume you into my triangel and kill your lies with the truth. Making you a non existent being and even more weak than you already were.
Sorry your search engine has labeled your search as unknown.
It's because the mystery you thought you'd figured out I own...
Trust...
Trust depended on you, had confidence in you. Trust had faith in you & relied on you because Trust felt that you could be trusted.
All of these words combined together are the definition of Trust.
Trust believed and placed confidence in YOU- definition of YOU= Nothing and Nothing is a person or thing considered to be of little or no importance.
You were Nothing pretending to be Something-
*definition of Something- an important or remarkable person or thing
But for some reason what Trust thought was Trust, turned out to be untrustworthy.
What Trust thought they could depend on was undependable.
It may have been real in the beginning, but as soon as the pretender pretending to be trust came in saying that you can't trust Trust….YOU broke Trust by feeding into and feeding the lies that were being told about Trust.
While the pretender pretending to be Trust made its pejorative comments about Trust, it was too late to gain Trust back, because Trust went away.
But the pretender doesn't realize he/she is pretending until Trust lets them know they are pretenders.
Trust believed in YOU, but YOU did not realize Trust and YOU broke Trust. All because YOU were tricked by the other pretender pretending to be Trust.
But YOU can't get mad at the pretender……
Why?
Because they were only being just like YOU- the pretender who pretended to be something, who turned out to be nothing but the person who was tricked into breaking Trust, for something they believed could be real trust.
Now you are stuck in a never ending circle of lies and deceit, which is the same thing Trust defeats time after time. And that is EXACTLY what you get for leaving Trust behind!
All of these words combined together are the definition of Trust.
Trust believed and placed confidence in YOU- definition of YOU= Nothing and Nothing is a person or thing considered to be of little or no importance.
You were Nothing pretending to be Something-
*definition of Something- an important or remarkable person or thing
But for some reason what Trust thought was Trust, turned out to be untrustworthy.
What Trust thought they could depend on was undependable.
It may have been real in the beginning, but as soon as the pretender pretending to be trust came in saying that you can't trust Trust….YOU broke Trust by feeding into and feeding the lies that were being told about Trust.
While the pretender pretending to be Trust made its pejorative comments about Trust, it was too late to gain Trust back, because Trust went away.
But the pretender doesn't realize he/she is pretending until Trust lets them know they are pretenders.
Trust believed in YOU, but YOU did not realize Trust and YOU broke Trust. All because YOU were tricked by the other pretender pretending to be Trust.
But YOU can't get mad at the pretender……
Why?
Because they were only being just like YOU- the pretender who pretended to be something, who turned out to be nothing but the person who was tricked into breaking Trust, for something they believed could be real trust.
Now you are stuck in a never ending circle of lies and deceit, which is the same thing Trust defeats time after time. And that is EXACTLY what you get for leaving Trust behind!
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